What a great and perfect voice for such a sad and emotional song.
"The Tryst" Azam Ali
Lyrics:
In the tumult of youth
I forgot about your promise
Of our tryst
My love for life overflowed
In the death of your splendor
And now as I make haste
Towards my own death
My pride breaks
Under its own weight
The clamor of truth
Beats steadily in my breast
As your love
Tears into the sheath of my pain
The sin is mine
And I weep at my unworthiness
To tend to your garden
If only you understood what you had done Steve.
If only you would let me mend.
I Love you. <-- youtube link to song. You won't be disappointed.
Friday, June 11, 2010
I'll always remember...
I'll always remember how we use to be.
I remember early on, you'd suddenly switch pitches when you spoke to me. It was one of the signs. Geologeeee became my favorite word ever after you said it. You were so cute.
I remember our walks in the snow, and when we gave the tree a fashion sense by fitting it with some frosty buttons. I remember us sitting on the park bench holding hands and making fun of french people.
I remember how you told me your throat hurt and asked me if I had made you sick. You weren't sick, that was one of the signs, and we knew it.
I remember when we went up to the computers on the fourth floor and we googled "How to know when a guy likes you" and you showed all the signs. We laughed our asses off that day and we had so much fun. We were online for about 2 hours and it felt like the silliest and greatest 2 hours of my life.
I remember when I took the train with you and I refused to leave your side, even when I had to go. I held your hand and I put my head on your shoulder. You felt so warm, it was like you were on fire. Your skin was always cold and I asked you what it was, you told me it was one of the signs. I remember thinking back then that I'd do anything to feel that again.
I remember you walking me to my statistics class and I was so excited to be with you that I ended up not going to class anyway.
I remember that time when we ran to my statistics class holding hands. We howled in laughter because I was late.
I remember you pulling me aside so you could speak to me, I loved that, even when we were friends. I felt so close with you, I felt so connected.
I'll always remember how much I missed you when you left, and how happy I was when you came back. I'll always remember that feeling of never wanting to lose you again...and now I've lost you again.
I'll always remember that walk in the rain with you, it was pouring and we were the only ones stupid enough to walk into the park. We were drenched. I was so happy.
I'll always remember that day when I walked with you in the park and we had walked around for hours. We were tired but I was so elated to be with you. Then you said you had to leave...and I'll remember that same pain every time I saw you. I hated it when you had to leave. You made me so incredibly happy.
I remember that time when i was mad at you and I told you I didn't want to see you...I lied. I always want to see you. Anyway, You got me to give up my tough girl act after you told me you were nose bleeding. I didn't believe you at first...and then you sent me a picture of your bloody napkin and I busted out laughing. I asked you if you were OK, and you came out to see me that day. I love you.
I remember the last time we took the train together... We fell asleep on each other. I rested on your shoulder and you let your head drop every few seconds and picked it back up again. It was a real treat watching you. I'd open my eyes every 10 seconds or so to kiss you on the jaw. I don't think you noticed. I never wanted to lose that moment.
This list can go on and on and on....
You truly made me happy, and now you've let me go. I hate being without you.
I miss you. I miss us. I love you and I loved us. If there isn't anything I can do to get that back then...I'll just have to accept it.
I remember early on, you'd suddenly switch pitches when you spoke to me. It was one of the signs. Geologeeee became my favorite word ever after you said it. You were so cute.
I remember our walks in the snow, and when we gave the tree a fashion sense by fitting it with some frosty buttons. I remember us sitting on the park bench holding hands and making fun of french people.
I remember how you told me your throat hurt and asked me if I had made you sick. You weren't sick, that was one of the signs, and we knew it.
I remember when we went up to the computers on the fourth floor and we googled "How to know when a guy likes you" and you showed all the signs. We laughed our asses off that day and we had so much fun. We were online for about 2 hours and it felt like the silliest and greatest 2 hours of my life.
I remember when I took the train with you and I refused to leave your side, even when I had to go. I held your hand and I put my head on your shoulder. You felt so warm, it was like you were on fire. Your skin was always cold and I asked you what it was, you told me it was one of the signs. I remember thinking back then that I'd do anything to feel that again.
I remember you walking me to my statistics class and I was so excited to be with you that I ended up not going to class anyway.
I remember that time when we ran to my statistics class holding hands. We howled in laughter because I was late.
I remember you pulling me aside so you could speak to me, I loved that, even when we were friends. I felt so close with you, I felt so connected.
I'll always remember how much I missed you when you left, and how happy I was when you came back. I'll always remember that feeling of never wanting to lose you again...and now I've lost you again.
I'll always remember that walk in the rain with you, it was pouring and we were the only ones stupid enough to walk into the park. We were drenched. I was so happy.
I'll always remember that day when I walked with you in the park and we had walked around for hours. We were tired but I was so elated to be with you. Then you said you had to leave...and I'll remember that same pain every time I saw you. I hated it when you had to leave. You made me so incredibly happy.
I remember that time when i was mad at you and I told you I didn't want to see you...I lied. I always want to see you. Anyway, You got me to give up my tough girl act after you told me you were nose bleeding. I didn't believe you at first...and then you sent me a picture of your bloody napkin and I busted out laughing. I asked you if you were OK, and you came out to see me that day. I love you.
I remember the last time we took the train together... We fell asleep on each other. I rested on your shoulder and you let your head drop every few seconds and picked it back up again. It was a real treat watching you. I'd open my eyes every 10 seconds or so to kiss you on the jaw. I don't think you noticed. I never wanted to lose that moment.
This list can go on and on and on....
You truly made me happy, and now you've let me go. I hate being without you.
I miss you. I miss us. I love you and I loved us. If there isn't anything I can do to get that back then...I'll just have to accept it.
He answered.
He answered to my email in a text. My long and thought out email was answered in just 10 words: "I saw it. I'm still sticking with my decision." I asked to expand on that and he wouldn't. I guess that's it. There's nothing else I can do. I'm going to take some time off for myself, maybe a week or two...maybe up to a month. I'll keep updating because I'm going to be thinking a lot during this time off. Chuck isn't happy about it, but then again, I can't be happy with him while knowing that I'm in love with someone else. It isn't fair to him, It isn't right. I told him this and he doesn't want me to leave. I have to though. I have to do it for him and myself.
Yester-night was a good night. I didn't have a dream about Steve, I thought about him once or twice...but I didn't have a gut wrenching dream about him. That was a good start to the day. Usually I wake up from dreams of him and I when we were back together and it always hurts so badly. It ruins the rest of my day, where the only thing I can do is mope, and cry, and think about him. Today might be a good day. I might be able to think about something else for a change.
Fact is, he is being kind of selfish. He knows I'm going through a lot, and even if he's going through a lot as well, shouldn't he be concerned about me like I am about him? It doesn't seem like he is. He's just too absorbed in his own misery. Idiot.
There isn't a thing I can do, and I can't keep forcing myself to wait around for him. Though, If i allow myself to, it would be until the end of the world, and that isn't fair to me. So, I'll take some time off to think about things. Hopefully I can forget about him, and hopefully I can love Chuck again. I should be more upset, but I'm not as upset as yesterday. I have to move on; There's a whole world out there for me. If Steve isn't apart of it, there's nothing I can do. I'd love to be with him again as his romantic partner, I'll even be happy as his friend. Having some sort of connection with him, at any level would make me happy at this point. He isn't talking to me. He doesn't want to. There's nothing I can do. Some time off will do me some good.
I love you ,"Steve". If you choose to lose me again, I'll just have to continue on without you. You were my everything.
Yester-night was a good night. I didn't have a dream about Steve, I thought about him once or twice...but I didn't have a gut wrenching dream about him. That was a good start to the day. Usually I wake up from dreams of him and I when we were back together and it always hurts so badly. It ruins the rest of my day, where the only thing I can do is mope, and cry, and think about him. Today might be a good day. I might be able to think about something else for a change.
Fact is, he is being kind of selfish. He knows I'm going through a lot, and even if he's going through a lot as well, shouldn't he be concerned about me like I am about him? It doesn't seem like he is. He's just too absorbed in his own misery. Idiot.
There isn't a thing I can do, and I can't keep forcing myself to wait around for him. Though, If i allow myself to, it would be until the end of the world, and that isn't fair to me. So, I'll take some time off to think about things. Hopefully I can forget about him, and hopefully I can love Chuck again. I should be more upset, but I'm not as upset as yesterday. I have to move on; There's a whole world out there for me. If Steve isn't apart of it, there's nothing I can do. I'd love to be with him again as his romantic partner, I'll even be happy as his friend. Having some sort of connection with him, at any level would make me happy at this point. He isn't talking to me. He doesn't want to. There's nothing I can do. Some time off will do me some good.
I love you ,"Steve". If you choose to lose me again, I'll just have to continue on without you. You were my everything.
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